Meet The Cast and Crew

 

Tom Bradshaw

 



Tom Bradshaw was born at the age of 17 in Birmingham, much to his mother's surprise, as she was in Dublin at the time.

 

Tom started acting at the tender age (44)  and failed to stop even after the director shouted “CUT”.

 

He taught himself, (because nobody else would), guitar, keyboards, mandolin, banjo, spoons and harmonica, ( what an afternoon that was). He has written over 200 songs, one of which, is almost quite good. He has also written poems, plays, scripts and short stories all of which have been roundly ignored.

 

Tom taught himself to sing and had a classically trained voice. Sadly it has since escaped back into the wild. 

 

Tom has played guitar and sung in a number of bands before giving it up due to ill health. They were sick of him.

 

He is a 2nd Dan black belt in karate (also known as a Desperate Dan) and teaches the martial art to people who are smaller and weaker than himself even if they do not attend his classes. Tom's aspirations including owning a dictionary and looking up the meaning of "aspirations"

 

He is currently having a cup of tea with a coconut ring and lives with a lady and boy who pretend to know him to keep the peace. He is often referred to around the house as "that man"

 

 

Mark Hevingham

 

A baby so ugly that the mid wife slapped his mother, Mark began performing for peanuts as part of the "Two Monkeys and a Monkey" trio which sadly disbanded when it was discovered that one of the monkeys was actually a Gazelle. 

 

After leaving school Mark went home. 

 

Although tone deaf and possessing the coordination of a squashed fly, Mark enjoys music and can often be heard wailing along to iTunes whilst doing the dishes. Cats and dogs whose acute hearing can pick up the subtleties of this performance have since left the county. 

 

After being told by all and sundry it cant be done Mark decided to make Bladder Run and this production has dominated his life for almost 20 years. His decision to actually film the script rather than simply rewriting it was met with disbelief from certain quarters. 

 

When he grows up Mark hopes to learn to drive as currently his car veers into the wrong lane on a regular basis. 

 

Jason Cragg - Sapsford

 

Born Joaqim Crusty Socks, Jason changed his name by deed poll and lampost in 1937. This is unusual as he wasnt even born for another 40 odd years. Known as JCS or Galaxy Man to his friend (singular) Jason can often be found goat herding in Wales. Even though the police have cautioned him. 

 

Having mortgaged his house to buy new camera equipment Jason found fame filming the Royal Show in Nuneaton - until the management discovered him and ejected him with a lifetime ban. 

 

His legendary driving skills have earned him the nick name Crash Bandicoot. 

 

Jason has recently completed his first novel, and hopes to read another soon. 

 

Vicki Walkden

 

Victoria was discovered in the early 2000s by a talent scout, after she locked herself in the office after a Christmas party in 1996. Her story is complex and so baffling that it is only related in hushed tones. 

 

Her acting career began after she was mistaken for Sean Young and whisked to a film set in an all expenses paid trip to Hawaii; her defence being that she was too shy to tell anyone for the first three weeks. So good was her performance, however, that no one noticed. 

 

Asked to describe herself as a colour she replied indigo. Then she said "Indigo out dey come" baffling the market researcher. 

 

Her hobbies include nail filing and file nailing. Her favourite food is a Big John's mega kebab and after sinking 15 pints will often eat two before arriving on the Bladder Run set. She has been known to drive a car. Usually round the bend. 

 

Her ambition is to be more decisive, although she cant make her mind up whether its that or to drive a train. 

 

Cameron Moon

 

Arrested for blagging restaurant seats whilst posing as Omar Sharif's son, Mr Moon, or "Cammy" as he likes to be called (we all call him Mr Moon anyway) Cameron began acting as a way to stop himself sewing mail bags. After he was released from Broadmore by a rope ladder, he moved to Birmingham where he first ran a sushi bar and later a Chinese Laundry. 

 

His hobbies include growing facial hair, card tricks and paper hanging. He once got into a pickle when he pasted his beard to a playing card after getting his hobbies mixed up

 

His biggest fan is his aunt (shes 8 foot 4) 

 

When the crew first found Cammy he was dressed as Buttons from Cinderella and told the sad tale of how he was thrown out of the production for making her carriage into a pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving. Although this fed two third world countries a replacement had to be found in the shape of a Pullman Sleeper from Virgin Trains. He was told he would never work in that town again and based on the reliability of the Virgin Train service this is probably true. 

 

Kit San aka JFKit aka (well loads of aliases to fool the tax man) 

 

KIt, of whom it has often been said, began life in a museum - not as an exhibit you understand but as a curator. He brought his curator's egg to several rehearsals before boiling it one Sunday for his breakfast. 

 

Kit enjoys knitting and has created several props from left over wool including a fully working replica of Harrison Ford's kitchen. Mr Ford later took out a restraining order.

 

When not at work Kit is somewhere else.

 

For his 11th birthday he hopes to take his exams to enter Grammar School (where he will study his dad's mother) He can often be seen on the streets of Leamington Spa busking for his lunch. He has recently lost a great deal of weight as a result.

 

Kit once told everyone he had a Porsche, however it turned out to be a second door outside his own front door where people could stand whilst waiting to be let in. 

 

Colin Cooper

 

After being offered the part of Guff Colin began to speak gibberish although reports suggest that this was an art to which he was already well versed. Sadly Colin is a very shy person and little is known about his background (usually as he is so close to the camera that he obscures it)

 

His work in music is legendary, it says here.

 

His acting style is a mixture of Olivier and Geilgud. Thats Fred Olivier and Burt Geilgud.

 

His unusual taste in clothing stems from an early age when he was frightened by the movie Cross of Iron a well known WWII action flick. He is the first man in history to perfect invisible hair.

 

His hobbies include taking the mickey out of posh teachers (also known as Master Bating)

 

Annel...er...Anal..er Ms Cherrington

 

So desperate was she to join the crew that Anneliese Cherrington allowed the production to take over her kitchen and set fire to work surfaces. The latter was not part of the film simply Mark's pyromania. 

 

Apparently Ms C runs a business from her laptop but won't go into detail...

 

Bringing strong attributes to the film (mainly barking orders and scaring the director into time keeping) Anneliese has an easy going and agreeable nature. After quitting as a GI Jane - a role in which she kick started jet fighters in exchange for a double of Pernod and black - Anneliese worked on the Fourth Bridge. It was a hard time finding business premises.

 

Although she does not like to appear on screen she does specialise in playing the back of people's shoulders.

 

For her next film she hopes to be allowed in to see a 15 certificate.  

 

 

Sarah Simons

 

Sarah joined the cast in error - she thought it was late night opening at the Great Western Arcade and got locked in during the shoot. Since then she has become a permenent fixture of the cast - mainly as she lost a contact lens and still believes its in Mike Tustin's boot along with all the other things that mysteriously go there

 

Sarah has several tatoos. These were acquired in error after she was drunk and thought her friends suggested "A few drinks" not "A few inks" as they actually said. 

 

Sarah is on stage nightly. After she sweeps it she goes home. 

 

She tells people she has a husband although no one has ever seen him. We also dont really believe she is a nurse or indeed that her name is Sarah. We think she is actually an illegal worker from the Soviet Block. Her realistic accent playing the one eyed bar keep tends to back this up.

 

Mike Tustin

 

Also known as Mr Quiet, Mike can often be heard - usually during a take - clattering around in the background off set. Its been so long that his missus got a word in that she now only knows herself as "MIke's Wife" and is introduced as such. 

 

Mike has a heart of gold - which is his favourite scale model from the Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

 

He is often to be seen flashing his camera and anything else he can get away with at unsuspecting cast members. And any other members he can find. 

 

A dab hand with the screwdriver, Mike can also mix other cocktails. 

 

Steve Evans

 

Proud of his Geordie roots, which often show when he doesnt dye them,  Steve was born in Liverpool and brought up in Birmingham where he first developed the 7 inch-wide parting.

 

Throughout the 70's and 80's Steve could be seen regularly at the Crescent Theatre. Calls of “there's that man again”, “how did he get in again?” and “what's he doing on the stage?” were often heard.

 

His portrayal of Julius Caesar was described as 'extraordinary'. Particularly as he performed it in Hamlet. 

 

He is regarded throughout his entire home, where he lives alone, as an acting genius.

 

 

Dave Monks

 

It was 2011 when Dave first took to acting. He finished 4 minutes later at a quarter past 8.

 

Born in Warrington, a mythical town rejected as a believable place in The Hobbit, Dave first lifted a guitar at an early age - most likely the Jurassic; Because he was so young, the shoplifting charges were dropped. But he took to playing music like a fish to quantum physics and has dazzled his audiences ever since. Ever since he bought a 1 million candle power torch.

 

He is said to be so rich, he has Bill Gates take out his bins for him.  

He is said to be so rich, he is suspicious of his dogs affection.

He is said to be so rich, he set up his own Olympics with himself in all events, and awarded himself one ton gold medals.

He claims to be 'not rich' and storms off in a huff (or a minute and a huff, who's counting).

 

Joanne Marriott

 

So tall that she was once mistaken for a tall person, Joanne Marriott started her career at the age of three months, when she regularly sword fought with the cast of Xena Warrior Princess. As an expert horse ride Jo was often in demand especially on the beach at Morecombe.

 

Jo is reputedly so tough that when she broke her nose during a stunt dive in Bladder Run she simply asked for a dab of make up and continued unabated. 

 

As Nora Botty Jo had to work with a vile snake although she actually spoke quite highly of Tom Bradshaw.

 

When asked about her thoughts on Mark Hevingham's directorial skills she remarked "I'd be surprised if he could direct traffic" I was going to write "He couldn't direct piss into a bucket" but there may be kids watching.

 

Jo's life partner is Sean George - a stunt man, and Captain Jack Sparrow look alike. His costume is so authentic that he failed a drink drive test after sniffing the coat.  


Alan Smithee

 

Having starred in and directed a number of traffic jams, as well as big budget movies in Hollywood and the UK, Alan chose to have nothing whatsoever to do with Bladder Run. His brother, Allen, however, is an extra in a small scene that will probably be cut (if it actually gets filmed in the first place, or even in another place, somewhere else).

 

Deb McEwen

 

Often recognised in the street, especially by people that know her, double Oscar winning star of stage and screen, celebrated the world over for her superb acting, Deb McEwen is also a big fan of Katherine Hepburn. 

Deb, a master of the voice under, fluent in various dress sizes, has been seen on every stage in the West Midlands using the same broom for several years. (Only replacing the staff twice and the head 7 times).

Learning her trade from the great Stan O'slavski (who has sweep more boards than Mark Hevingham has had hot dinners), she mastered her very own 'method', known as 'McMethod' and now teaches it to anyone who purchases a Big Issue from her.

Bladder Run will no doubt keep what’s-her-name in our memories forever.

 

Duncan Woodhouse

 

Famed for his (apparently) funny Brummiw accent impression, Duncan was expelled from several schools as a teenager. Probably as they were all girls schools and he'd got in over the wall. 

 

When it comes to sound recording, you'll need to speak up a bit please. Though stone deaf, Duncan is known for his impeccable manners. When it comes to getting that microphone boom in shot, Duncan's your man, but he has impeccable manners.

 

Trained as an actor at RADA (Rotherham And District Acting) his driving is said to be adequate but his manners impeccable.

 

Duncan has also directed a number of films in his own right, his own left and his own middle. 

 

He says his own influences are mostly alcoholic.

 

Michael Bradshaw

 

The teen actor commenting on his role as the Kaiser in Bladder Run said, “Oh, do I have to! It's not fair, I hate you and wish you were dead!” No doubt a successful future beckons. At McDonalds.

 

Chosen for the role for his diminutive size, Michael first came to the project at 6 years old, but by the time it came to shoot his scene 8 years later he was already 5 feet tall. 

 

Preferring method acting as his approach, Michael has adopted a strong German accent since winning the role of Kaiser. When not glued to his PS3, Michael can be found elsewhere. 

 

 

 

 

The Cast of Bladder Run

With a cast of thousands. Well, at least 50. . . 

Rex Dickard - Tom Bradshaw

Raquel Rosen - Victoria Walkden

 

And in order of Appearance

 

Dave Holdall - Lee Matthews

Junior Kawazaki - Steve Evans

Vendor - Cameron Moon

Horatio Guff - Colin Cooper

Frank Brian - David Monks

Ray Botty - Mark Hevingham

Choo - Cameron Moon

Pritt - Begona Fernandez Martin

JFK Subastud - Kit Summerfield

Microscope Lady - Debz McEwan

Bar Tender - Cameron Moon (again!)

Taffy Lewis - Danny Makie

Bar Patron - Michele Hevingham

Cocktail Girl - Valeria Tirabassi

Lady Who Catches The Slug - Gill Goodwin

Han Solo - Tom Bradshaw

Lara Croft - Kez Sahin

Dude with a brolley - Cameron Moon (What, again?? His Auntie will be pleased!)

Drunkard - Nick Allen

Nora Botty - Joanne Marriott

Snake Plissken - Macer Weller

Bar Tender #2 - Sara Simons

 

With 

 

Stef- Brooke Harris, Karlus G, Maura Judges, Sarah Simons, Debbie and Phil Graves, Gary Moore, Kathryn Downs, Louise Albut. Rachel Spencer, Vicky Reilly, Carly Bramwell, Antony Velda, Sharon Hynes, Liane Brown, Lydia and Guerero Castiel and many many more

Doctor Lorell -  To Be Revealed!